The trees outside my apartment remind me of a kind of popsicle i ate when i was younger- the frozen fruity ones that were orange and red..? The trees' leaves (i like the way those two words sound together- sounds like the bees knees) start a nice fresh green, then as your eye travels up the leaves transform to a section of yellow, higher is orange, and the very top is a rather robust red. and right now the sun is setting behind them, emitting from those cholorphylled beauties an even richer hue.  i want to be out there, in the evening with that wonderful waning sun and the welcoming leaves.  i'd like to sit under them, twirl a leaf in my hand, and write. but i am inside at my computer attempting to do homework.  i wonder why i am 22 and feel so bereft of easy companionship with the evening. i know it is because of the school work, but it makes me sad.  i listened to a song today that discussed how quickly time goes by.  when i was 14 i swore to myself i would remember how i felt so that i could better understand and parent my teenage children. i am fortunate to have had a full teenage-hood. it didn't fly by, but for good reasons.  i strove to really enjoy each year and acting my age! and now im worried that i will look back one day and think "where did my youthful 20s go?" i don't want to be living a fast and loose life, but i am worried that i am getting older without fully enjoying and relishing my age.  i mean really, how much longer can i get away with wearing short skirts?! or other such outfits that shouldn't be worn by anyone over 24.  or going out to a club- it is weird to see old people at a club, and i always think, shouldn't they have a family to spend their evening with? 

i know worrying won't make me enjoy my youth. and it could just be these few months of my first semester and planning my wedding.  i want john and i to have a youthful, fun, adventurous marriage.  I want us to be able to act our age and really enjoy these waning years we have before the scary quarter-century birthday.  at the same time, i do intend to embrace the wisdom, dignity, and respect that age brings. it will be a different kind of fun when im older, and im sure ill be ready for it when that time comes.

happy ponderings, corinna

by the way, the song that always fits every mood: calendar girl, stars